Practised disbelief

Section 106 is just doing its do-tea

The chance of sleep was as unlikely as a simultaneous win on the lottery and the horses for a person who never buys a ticket or places a bet. After several strong coffees, and a bath of cogitation, Vernon got dressed at 6pm and went downstairs to kick Friday into shape. He had a letter of resignation to fabricate and a number of people to inform.

The man at the door was struck forcibly by the man at the door.

The man at the door was struck forcibly by the man at the door.

He was just putting the finishing touches to the letter, singing the praises of the very ‘ship’ he was jumping and was carefully addressing the envelope, for the attention of Rev Dr Albright, when there was a loud knock on the door that rattled him more than it did the metal and wood.

There was a large tidy looking man at the door whose establishment hairstyle and look of practised disbelief marked him out as a detective, or a Jehovah’s Witness. Assuming it was the former, he was very early. Even as he opened the door Vernon wondered if anything in the house could be misconstrued as contraband; “Hello?”he said blandly.

“Mornin’ Mr Jools, detective constable Constable ‘ere. Is this ‘ere a convenient time for conversation? That’s a shame oi’m ‘ere so early but can’t be ‘elped oi’s afraid. Do you let me come in sir?” Vernon realised he was gawping and shut his mouth hastily. The broad Suffolk accent had taken him somewhat by surprise.

“Come in, come in. I’ll put the kettle on.”

“Oi’ll just come in the once.” the detective said wittily, “Do you lead the way sir, that shouldn’t take too long.”

They sat down at the table in the lounge and Vernon gave the detective his tea.

"At work I 'as do-tea."

“At work I ‘as do-tea.”

“Don’t drink much tea a’tome as a rule; ’ave to leave space for do-tea, if you get my meaning. A haar. Now then, we ‘ave a missing person, a minor by the name of Émile Gèron, who’s somehow tied up in the design and distribution of a piece of software written for you and your partner Mr Tarquin McGuin. A product you rightly advised wouldn’t work yet your partner was ’appy to pay for and which, ’as played a role in digital fraud and theft and wot not. What can you tell me about these strange goings-on then?”

Check out the Nonsense Filter on The Novel page

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